How to Speak Dating Like a Gen Z: Fifty-One Niche Words for Romance, Sex and Bad Behaviour

The current period represents a full decade since the term “ghosting” hit the common lexicon. Back then, the notion that someone could instantly end contact with a partner without any notice seemed like the peak of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, finding a partner has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes unsuccessful exercise in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by social media slang.

Generation Z, a generation who came of age during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated challenge on the freedoms of women and the queer community, faces a far messier environment than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their dating glossary has grown longer and more deranged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive breakdown to the phrases this generation is using to navigate love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the year’s most viral memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

A

Authenticity – In the view of gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your true, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

B

Bird theory – A TikTok trend inspired by a test developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s reaction is inquisitive or disinterested. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She might still have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This means going for someone who aids you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people bond while handling tasks, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or split, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a marker of 80s yuppie affluence, it describes pairs who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of being guarded: utilizing communication, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Red flags – Behavioral habits suggesting a prospective partner is trouble. Such as calling their former partners crazy, poor tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks confirm your decision to date a mate. Examples include checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, largely benign idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy likes.

Ghostlighting – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A mindset describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that instantly shut down any feelings of attraction.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly sweet act.

J

Careers – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {