As we consider the TV landscape of the recent year, a selection of shows stand out not for their excellence, but for their spectacular shortcomings. Ranging from awkward spin-offs to confusingly bad documentaries, here are the programmes that had us scratching our heads or just reaching for the remote.
Where to begin with this divisive follow-up? Plagued with dreadful scripts, painful character development (justice for Miranda!), and a mere 71 seconds of beloved Samantha, the series fought to justify its existence. For a moment, as the third season started, it looked like it had finally found its groove. Then arrived an installment centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator declared this would be the last series. It concluded on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s loo full of poo was just way too symbolic. Still, viewers undeniably found joy picking apart every single “what on earth?” episode. And as Carrie – once again single – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t release a little sob?
‘Can Kim Kardashian act? Of course she can’t.’
But that was almost the least of this drama's problems. The subject of a very rare zero star assessment, it was difficult to know where to begin listing the flaws. The laughably wooden dialogue? The mind-numbing glorification of wealth and consumption? The seemingly deliberate parade of tropes? Acting so bad they felt borderline malicious? Suffice it to say “all of the above” and forget about this series again. However, a second season has been commissioned, so we’re probably going to have to.
Considering the restraining orders, domestic violence claims and fatherly failures, it’s fair to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d really have gleaned it from this three-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive excess while struggling to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being indulged, so any pity this show might evoke should be reserved for the people who have had to suffer close contact with this charming but flippant egotist.
Naturally we knew it was ridiculous from the outset: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either save the world – or annihilate all of humanity. We persevered out of pure admiration for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had given up trying. One scarcely cared when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. Talk about giving up the ghost.
Dodgy characters convening in empty boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and demands its gangland drama back.
Actually, that is unfair on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a little dated now, but at least they didn’t endure the ignominy of having to accommodate unconvincing accents. But there were plenty of other problems. Primarily that it was just really boring; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various London picaresques which seemed a bit basic.
Given the extent to which she grinds the gears of the nation’s ostentatiously angry commentators, it’s temptingly tempting to applaud the Duchess of Sussex’s various ventures into twee lifestyle as intentional provocations. But then you watch them and are compelled to admit that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a lifestyle catalogue animated; a meme for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a procession of sleeping dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark platitudes and forgettable crafting “tips” you’ll forget instantly. All underpinned by immense, largely undeserved wealth. Ugh.
There are obviously fascinating things to be said about regarding Victoria Beckham and her journey with career, self-image, self-worth. But for some reason, this three-part series opted not to say them. Instead, the viewing was akin to consuming a sales catalogue. She clearly has good reason to resent what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But sadly, she didn’t do herself any helps with this cagey non-event of a series.
It should have been the next big hit – except even camper, with a famous star as a deceased benefactor and a sharp-tongued personality overseeing her inheritance. What more could you want? As contestants competed, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s still too complicated to detail what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw brief appearances of the star via prerecorded videos. The series ended up smelling of a programme that was straining desperately to emulate something far greater than it.
How does one follow a show that defined a generation? The pressure was immense for this starry romantic comedy about Jessica, a rosy-eyed New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The lead actress seized the opportunity by the horns and was joyous to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic ideals. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the abundance of famous friends involved felt uncomfortable.
Not even good enough to be ‘uneven’.
Given the shrewd recruitment of talented younger comics, hopes were high. But unhappily, most of it didn’t land. A particular sketch was a one-note joke milked to a husk but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a well-known ranting mode. The writing room sketches, meanwhile, simply provoked the thought that they should probably have remained in there a while longer.
This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively presented the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an compelling drama to be made about the horrific 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be handled with care. Instead, the series struggled painfully to find the right tone, lumbering from strangely jaunty, somewhat mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A total mess? Absolutely.
We admire the star … but did we believe him playing the greatest maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the verge of a discovery that could destabilise society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services spying on – and killing off – intellectuals frankly got more farcical by the second. Formulaic nonsense.
This uncritical portrait followed the content creator renowned for explicit escapades as she prepared for her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was way more interrogation of her true psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have interviewed the now-famous mum who appeared to haul her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing shots and absolutely no interrogation of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the documentary-maker has a young daughter too.
